


Dejà vú

by AckermanSupremacy



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Humor, Badass Mikasa Ackerman, Blood and Gore, Character Death, Depression, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mental Breakdown, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Terminal Illnesses, Time Travel Fix-It, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:35:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28206954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AckermanSupremacy/pseuds/AckermanSupremacy
Summary: She always goes back to that timeThe time where she's weak and hopelessThe time where he wrapped that scarf around herThe time where he claimed she's his slaveMikasa swore she's nobody's slave anymore
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Annie Leonhart, Floch/Eren Yeager, Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir, Mikasa Ackerman & Armin Arlert & Eren Yeager, Mikasa Ackerman/Armin Arlert, Mikasa Ackerman/Eren Yeager, Sasha Blouse/Nicolo
Comments: 34
Kudos: 81





	1. Again

"I've always hated you Mikasa" Eren said without any hint of remorse in his voice. 

Mikasa felt pain in her chest, Her eyes began to water and her knees are starting to feel weak even though she's seating. 

"You're more low than a livestock, I hate people who has no sense of freedom" He spat with full disgust in his face, looking at her as if she has a contagious disease.

"It disgusts me" He added. 

Mikasa's tears began to flow, she's hurt, she's in so much pain. She can't believe that he looked at her that way. 

Armin jolted and screamed at Eren, Punching him in the face. 

But before Armin knew he was pinned down in the table by Mikasa. 

Her eyes opened wide as she realized what she had done, her hands began to loosen up and tremble. 

"You see? You really just a slave" Eren retorted with his cold expression. 

Her mouth was wide open as she cried, She sobbed and shook her head. 

Is she really a slave?? He's not true she cared for him eversince they were kids. 

But there's something deep inside her telling her that maybe Eren was right, Maybe she's really just his slave. 

Eren then punched Armin in the face causing him to tumble and bleed. 

"We never had a fight before right? Because it won't be fair" Eren said while wiping the blood away on his fist. 

Mikasa was just watching them as she sobbed not knowing what to do 

Asking herself why does this need to happen? When did she go wrong? When did everything go wrong?

She then quickly go to Armin's side and held him. 

She always failed drastically to save Eren and she's always waking up in that day the day she first met him. 

In her first life, She failed to stop him and she was killed by his own hands. 

In her second life, She had killed him but failed to save herself. 

And now, She was called a slave. Mikasa has been through lots of mental stress, Witnessing her comrades die again and again, Seeing her parents killers again and again. 

She broke down this time, she can't take it anymore and the fact that Eren said that he always hated her doesn't help. 

She just wants everything to end, but it won't whenever she dies she always wakes up there 

At the time where the kidnappers held hostage of her almost selling her out to slavery. 

"Drag them out" she was slapped back to reality when she heard Eren's command to the members of the Yeagerist. 

They were dragged into the basement and what looks like a cell where everyone is waiting. 

They were put into different cells Jean, Connie, Armin, Nicollo and Mr. Blouse was on the other cell

And Mikasa with Ms. Blouse and Kaya

Mikasa was so quiet it bothered Connie and Jean. 

"What happened Armin? " Jean asked. 

"Eren is talking bullsht so I punched him and he punched me back" Armin spat while massaging his face. 

"What did he say?" Jean asked Armin, he was about to answer Jean 

But the other side of the cell started screaming, The five men jolted in suprise and wondered what's going on. 

"DON'T MISS ACKERMAN PLEASE" They heard Kaya plead. 

"Mikasa ending this way won't do anything" Lisa Blouse (Sasha's mom)said. 

"I'm sorry I'm sorry" Mikasa cried as she pointed her pistol at her head. 

"WHAT'S HAPPENING!?" Armin panicking asked. 

"M-miss Ackerman is pointing a pistol at her head" Lisa Blouse said as her voice tremble. 

"How did she get it!?" Jean asked not knowing what to do. 

" IS SHE CARRYING A GUN THE WHOLE TIME?" Connie asked. 

"The Yeagerist didn't inspected our pockets- MIKASA PLEASE PUT THAT GUN DOWN" Armin pleaded. 

Lisa Blouse and Kaya was too afraid to approach Mikasa, fearing that they would get shot if they approached her, She isn't on her right mind right now.

Mikasa was going through hell, She just wants to die. She doesn't know what to do. 

Her heart feels empty as if she had lost the will to live. 

She sobbed and sobbed as she clutch the trigger. 

"If you die you lose, If you fight you win" she said repeating Eren's word that day. 

"But what if I don't want to fight anymore" she whispered and tears fell from her cheeks like a waterfall. 

I'm sorry Armin, I'm sorry everyone I'll comeback I'll comeback for you. 

Ms. Blouse and Kaya screams ,echoed through the corridor following with a sound of gunfire. 

She pulled the trigger and then blacked out, her body lying on the floor as blood starts to come out of her head 

"MIKASA NO!" Armin said trying his best to destroy the bars. 

"Oh my gosh!" Lisa cried as her two knees dropped to the floor. 

A pool of blood surrounding Mikasa's lifeless body. 

"Mikasa! MIKASA DON'T YOU DIE ON US MIKASA!" Jean cried as his knees went weak. 

"N-no Mikasa " Armin shouted. 

"What's going on!?" Yelena and the other Yeagerist went through the cell and saw the dead lying bleeding body of Mikasa. 

"Let me out! YELENA LET ME OUT!" Armin screamed as rage clouded his mind. 

Mikasa died, he can't do anything. 

Humanity's second strongest died with her own hands. 

Her greatest enemy was herself

With her red scarf wrapped around her neck, Is now even redder because of her own blood covering it. 

\--------  
"Live" someone said. 

Mikasa's eyes widen as she desperately gasped for air, her breathing getting heavier. 

She just heard a voice telling her to live, but she was too shaken up to process the moment. 

As she finally realized where and when she's at as she huffed for air. She was lying on the floor with a blood on the right corner of her mouth 

'fuck my body hurts' mikasa muttered.

Her eyes filling with hatred as she saw her parents killers. 

They were laughing and talking as if they didn't killed someone minutes ago, How could they!? Mikasa thought. 

She looked around to find a sharp object but failed to find one, she then gripped the rope around her wrist and had the chance to break loose. 

"Huh that was easy" she thought, she then got up and jumped at the man with an axe while both of them we're talking and distracted.

The man screaming in suprise as the other kidnapper was frozen on his position. 

The man Mikasa was attacking tumbled with Mikasa on top of him, She pretty much had an enormous amount of strength right now with a lot amount of rage also. 

She then twisted the man's hand hearing a crack which meant she manage to crack his bones. Causing him to let the axe go. 

Mikasa immediately grabbed the axe going into fighting position and cracking the man's skull open blood spilling out from his head and his skull almost visible as the other person watched in horror as the 10year old girl murder a grownman while screaming bloody murder. 

Mikasa then sensed that the other guy has snapped out of his thoughts and was ready to stab her with his knife when she managed to dodge it and twist his hand causing him to kneel in pain, She then kicked the man in the balls hard enough for him to scream so much. 

As he comfort his willy, She lifted her axe and then hit the guy almost beheading him causing for blood to spill on the floor. 

She was now showering in blood as she pants, she then picked up the knife that the other guy had gasping for air, She then remembered there is a third man. 

Planning to attack him, she knocked on the door while putting the knife close to her chest hoping she could end his life. 

The door slowly opened and mikasa saw an opportunity to throw an attack ,the man tumbled in suprise but his reflexes were too fast he got managed to prevent mikasa from stabbing his face. 

They were both fighting for it, The man stopping Mikasa's hand to reach his face and Mikasa struggling to force her way to the man's face. 

But he was too strong although Mikasa is strong she's too tired and her body hurts so much, The man then managed to throw mikasa out of on top of him and Mikasa accidentally let the knife go. 

The man stood up as Mikasa was about to reach for the knife, he lifted the axe and was about to hit Mikasa.

'sht am I going to die again?' she wondered. 

She was ready to brace for impact and closed her eyes but she didn't felt anything. 

She then opened her eyes and saw the man she was trying to kill, lying on the ground..dead. 

"Are you alright? Are you Mikasa?" She saw his green emerald eyes staring at her. 

Her heart dropped by what she saw, His beautiful emerald eyes

"I'm Eren Yeager, You're safe now" he said gasping for air. 

'I'm never safe when I'm with you Eren, well atleast not my heart' she mentally said. 

She then lean her back on the wall and closed her eyes ,she's too tired. 

From that mental stress, She finished her own life minutes ago and now she killed two grown man and she have to act as if everything is alright. 

She has nowhere to go again, Although she doesn't want to see Eren's face it doesn't mean she doesn't care and love him. 

She's just angry at what he did and what he said. 

"Can you get up?" He asked her while standing infront of her offering her his hands.

Mikasa opened her eyes and stood up on her own, without minding his hands. 

'what a sketchy kid' Eren thought

"Eren!? What did you do!?" Mikasa heard someone on the door, It was Grisha. 

A concerned looking Grisha wondered his eyes around the house as he approached Eren and Mikasa. 

"Did you do this Eren!?" Grisha angrily said to the young Eren. 

Eren defensively shook his head

"W-well I might've killed one" He then said and scratched the back of his head. 

Grisha massaged his temples and angrily looked at Eren. 

"Didn't I told you to wait on the cabin!? Why didn't you obeyed me?" Grisha said quite irritated with his son's recklessness. 

"But if I didn't managed to make it in time the last guy would've killed her!" Eren said to defend himself. 

Grisha looked at the girl covered in blood with her dead eyes looking at something so far away. 

Grisha approached Mikasa and held her by her shoulders. 

Mikasa's fight or flight instinct almost kicked in but she just jolted when she felt Grisha's touch. 

"Mikasa" Grisha said while looking at the girls grey eyes. 

"I'm Mr. Grisha Yeager, I was suppose to visit your parents for check up but you know what happened next" Grisha explained carefully to the girl who looks like she's about to break if she's mishandled. 

"You're staying with us now" Grisha said while weakly smiling at the girl, 'Poor girl lost her parents and watched them as they got murdered' Grisha thought. 

Mikasa weakly nodded and looked down avoiding Eren's gaze. 

"Are you cold Mikasa?" Eren asked her, He was about to wrap the scarf around her neck but then she refused. 

The military police quickly arrived and questioned the two kids and after that they were allowed to go home. 

"Let's go Mikasa, let's go home" Eren said, his green emerald eyes staring at Mikasa's dead grey eyes. 

' don't get too attached Mikasa, he'll also leave you by the time that he's ready' Mikasa mentally noted. 

By that time she swore to protect Eren and the people important to her with her own will and slap Eren Yeager if he acts crazy. 

She won't go soft with him anymore, her patience is so drained,And what he said still hurts. 

She still hates him for what he said, she won't side with him at all the time anymore. 

'Im no longer anyone's slave' Mikasa swore to avenge everyone who died dedicating their lives for the sake of innocent people, She won't turn out like Eren ,she have to successfully stop him and save him this time. 

They left the empty cabin and onto the Yeager's house. 

Where they were met by Carla Yeager who's cooking dinner. 

Mikasa's eyes began to tear up as she saw Carla Yeager looking at them. 

Oh how she misses Eren's mom so much. 

All of her past lives she tried to save Carla but always failed to do so, So it's been a heavy regret to her that she can't do anything to save her. 

"M-mikasa why are you crying?" Eren asked Mikasa panicking a little bit. 

As she realized that she cried, she immediately wiped her tears away and shook her head. 

"I'm fine" she replied, trying to hide the tracks of her tears. 

"Eren Yeager! What the hell did I heard from your father that you disobeyed him and killed a man!?" She angrily said and pinching Eren's ears. 

Mikasa started to feel warm,joy and happiness in her heart as she misses Carla Yeager so much. 

Staring at her in such amused eyes

"Ow- I was only trying to help mom" Eren said, whimpering from the pain in his ear. 

"But what if you got hurt!? You're doing reckless things again Eren! What did I told you about that?" She kept nagging the little Yeager boy. 

"But-" Eren was about to protest but he was cut off by Carla.

" Just please! Please learn how to follow what your parents say" Carla pleaded using the last amount of patience she had. 

Eren nodded in defeat, He can never win against his mother. 

Carla massaged her temples and looked at the little girl besides Eren, She observed the child with long black hair and grey dead eyes,her clothes covered with dried blood and her upper lip is bleeding. 

Carla squatted so she can reach Mikasa's height and smiled at her. 

"I'm Carla Yeager Eren's mom, From now on you're staying here Mikasa" Carla smiled warmly at Mikasa, Mikasa felt like crying but she can't cry, she has to be strong. 

Swallowing the lump on her throat she then nodded and smiled weakly at her. 

Still grieving her parents death, it's been so many years but waking up every time you die there bring backs so many unwanted memories Mikasa wants to bury deep inside her heart. 

"Are you hungry Mikasa?" Carla asked her. 

"I'm sure she's hungry but first let's get her cleaned up and treated" Grisha said and led Mikasa to his clinic. 

Staring at Grisha, Mikasa remembered what lies beneath his facade. 

The what looked like a good father manipulated and brainwashed his own son before, gladly he didn't do it to Eren but Eren then realized what Marleyans did to Paradis people causing him to do the rumbling. 

Mikasa's objective now is to save her deceased friends and stop Eren. 

She lost so many people in her past life including Armin who died in her 2nd life saving Connie from getting eaten. 

"Mikasa it will hurt a little bit, I'm going to clean your wounds so please hang on okay?" Grisha said calmly to the child. 

Mikasa nodded and looked far away letting her thoughts eat her. 

\-----  
After she got cleaned up and her wounds got treated Grisha led her to dining room where she was greeted by Carla'a cooking. 

They sat on the chair and started to eat, Mikasa then carefully ate her bread and stew. 

She secretly smiled while eating, she missed this. 

" So Mikasa what do you want to do tomorrow?" Eren asked her. 

" I can introduce you to my friend Armin tommorow" Eren said and smiled at her. 

She nodded and sip the bowl of stew, She also needs Armin's book so she can study something. 

She's hoping that she can do something about a thing that was discontinued because of certain events. 

"You're eating so well Mikasa" Carla said smiling. 

After they ate dinner, Eren guided Mikasa to her new room. 

It wasn't a big room to be honest but it was for a little girl. 

"We'll go to the market and we'll visit Armin does that sounds good?" Eren asked her. 

She just nodded, She thought he'll be going after that but Eren approached her 

"Are you alright Mikasa? Why are you so quiet?" Eren asked. 

'stop talking to me or I might break your bones, I'm mad at you' Mikasa mentally said. 

"I'm just tired" Mikasa said while blinking slowly. 

Eren hesitantly nodded and closed the door and bid goodnight. 

Mikasa went to bed and stared at the ceiling. 

"Shts about to go down again huh" Mikasa chuckled as she drifted off to sleep.


	2. Memories

It was a bright sunny day, Mikasa was woken up by the sound of Eren knocking on her door. 

"Mikasa are you ready?" Eren asked her in the other side of the room. 

"Yes I'm just tidying up" Mikasa said, she was getting ready to go out but something feels off, Oh right her scarf. 

She just remembered that she rejected his scarf and now she doesn't own that red scarf anymore. Mikasa felt weird without her scarf but it was also refreshing because sometimes it was too hot and her neck feels burning. 

She got dressed and left her room, She was greeted by a pair of green emerald eyes looking at him. 

Almost making her breathless, his green orbs looking at her. She's whipped for Eren and she knows it. 

'Mikasa you should focus on what you're doing' Mikasa mentally noted. 

She must concentrate on her mission and musnt let her heart take the lead. 

"So? Let's go?" Eren said. 

She nodded and he dragged her away from home. 

Mikasa stared at Eren while they were running, She can't believe that this kid will commit mass genocide in the future. 

"The world is truly cruel" Mikasa muttered as she stared at his green orbs who looks like it's glowing because of the sunlight hitting their face. 

'But also beautiful' she mentally said.

"Hmm?" Eren said and looked at her. 

"N-nothing" She said and looked at the sky, The view in Shiganshina is truly breathtaking but it won't last for long. 

After a year Shiganshina will fall, The armored and colossal Titan will attack Shiganshina

' I must give warnings to Survey corps maybe they could decrease casualties and fatalities' Mikasa hoped. 

But the problem is would they believe a 10 year old saying weird things like an armored titan will appear. 

They reached an alley where Armin was getting bullied by a bunch of older kids, Mikasa threw a sharp gaze towards the kids and mentally rolled her eyes. 

'Fcking cowards you couldn't pick with someone their own size' Mikasa muttered. 

"Hey stop it!" Armin angrily said at the guy who's holding his book up out of his reach, Armin was quite small for a boy so he always gets bullied. 

" Why don't you cry for you mom? " The kid said and laughed. 

"Hey! What are you doing to Armin!?" Eren shouted, The group of kids diverting their gaze at their side. 

"Oi Yeager shut up, You brought your girlfriend here huh?" The older kid said and chuckled. 

"She's not my girlfriend! And stop bullying Armin you cowards!" Eren was about to attack them but Mikasa was too fast to stop him. 

She held him by his collar and shook her head, Mikasa then approached the older kid while looking down,Everybody was quiet the whole time.

Mikasa then started sarcastically laughing and smiling at the kid, Making the kid gulp. 

"Don't you know" Mikasa said while twisting her wrist. 

She got even closer and closer

"Oi!oi! Mikasa what are you doing!?" Eren said panicking. 

Not minding what Eren just said she shook her hand and looked sharply at the kid who looks like he's about to cry. 

"When to shut the hell up?" Mikasa said and punched the kid in the face making him tumble and cry in pain. 

Eren and Armin's eyes widened, She had the guts to fight someone older than them!?

"What the- you're so dead! I'm gonna tell my-" The older kid said while struggling to stand up and his nose are bleeding. Mikasa cutted him off and said. 

"When I count to three everyone would run and if you failed to do so I'm gonna do what I did to this punk to all of you" Mikasa said tilting her head and looking sharply at the kids. 

"One" she started counting without looking at the kids. 

"Two" she said, the kids doesn't know what to do. 

"Stop! Stop-" the kid Mikasa punched said.

"Three" Mikasa said and aimed a punch towards the kid she punched earlier and the kids started running for their lives. 

The kid Mikasa punched struggled to stand up stumbled again upon running. 

when the kids ran Mikasa then rolled her eyes

"Stupid brats" Mikasa muttered and turned her gaze to Armin who's still frozen at his position. 

"Are you okay?" Mikasa asked him and helped Armin got up. 

Armin nodded in amusement and Eren exclaimed. 

"Wow! That's so cool Mikasa" Eren said with a hint of admiration to Mikasa.

"W-where did you learned that?" Armin shyly asked. 

"Uh just here and there my dad taught me self defense" she lied. 

And then an Idea came to Mikasa's mind, She should teach Armin how to fight so he won't suffer Keith Shadis harsh words. 

She pity her childhood friend because he always gets nagged by Keith Shadis when they're in the training camp.

"Do you want to learn how?" Mikasa asked smiling at Armin. 

"I- I think I'm not up for fighting" Armin said and picked up his book. 

"There's no harm trying though" Mikasa said and assisted Armin on cleaning his shirt. 

"Yeah Armin! We could both learn from Mikasa" Eren excitingly said. 

"Ask your mom first Eren I don't want us to get in trouble you might use what I taught you in useless fights" Mikasa said with authority. 

"B-but" Eren was about to protest but Mikasa cutted him off. 

"I won't teach you unless you ask for permission, I'm sorry Eren but Carla would be angry" Mikasa said at Eren. 

Eren pouted, he looks so cute but in the future he would commit mass genocide. 

Mikasa mentally sighed and Armin spoke. 

"Oh by the way I'm Armin" Armin introduced himself. 

"I'm Mikasa " Mikasa said while gently smiling at his childhood friends kid image. 

"Hey why is it you're so nice with Armin but you always don't talk when you're with me!?" Eren said, he felt something was wrong but he brushed it off. 

Mikasa avoided his gaze and turned the conversation somewhere else. 

'Im sorry Eren but I have to do this so if that moment comes you would know that I won't side with you if you're wrong' Mikasa mentally said. 

"Oh! Armin what type of book are you reading?" Mikasa asked Armin looking at the book Armin's reading. 

They both walked away and Eren looked at them in disbelief, he felt jealous because Mikasa is stealing his bestfriend but it was bearable.

"Oi! Wait for me!" Eren shouted and ran at them. 

\----  
The trio went to the river and played,telling each other stories and reading Armin's book. 

"Hey Armin tell Mikasa about that Sea you're talking about" Eren said to Armin.

"Ah well you see A sea is made of a large body of water bigger than this river and it has tons of salt, it's like a salty water!" Armin said while smiling. 

Mikasa smiled reminiscing that day they went on the sea, On her 3rd life. 

It was a bright sunny day, they were on an expedition outside and far from the walls, where they saw what Armin was talking about since he was a child. 

It was fun and Mikasa misses the sea thinking about it makes her happy and sad at the same time. 

" If we managed to kill all the Titans and be free we'll visit that soon Armin" Eren said while smiling at the two. 

'free huh' Mikasa wondered, Eren's definition of free will change in the future, Causing him to go on full mass genocide. 

He believed that the only way to be free is to kill thousands of innocent people, He believed that Paradis will be free if they were the only nation that exists. 

Mikasa's eyes dropped at the grass and her eyes became dead all of a sudden. 

Remembering how Eren abandoned them and almost killing them and calling her a slave. 

"Mikasa are you alright?" Eren asked while Armin looks concerned. 

Mikasa looks at them and lied to be fine, she was never fine to begin with. 

"Yeah I'm fine I just miss my parents" She said ans smiled bitterly. 

She truly missed her mom and dad, if she's given a chance to wake up that time they were being attacked she would instantly kill those kidnappers. 

"So where do you want to go next?" Eren asked. 

"Armin can I borrow some medical books from you?" Mikasa asked. 

Armin nodded and smiled. 

"Sure!" 

They walked to Armin's house where they were greeted by his grandfather. 

"Grandpa I'm home!" Armin said, Armin introduced Mikasa to his grandpa and they went to his room where it's full of enormous of books. 

'What a waste of good books, it'll all burn when Shiganshina falls' Mikasa thought. 

"So what type of books do you want to borrow?" Armin asked Mikasa. 

Mikasa looked at the shelf and found 'that book' 

That book that they want to find but it's too late, Unfortunately Armin has the last copy of it and it was destroyed when Shiganshina was attacked.

"This and some medical books please" Mikasa said. 

"What's that?" Eren asked Mikasa. 

The book is written in old eldian language, that they will later remember when Eren unleashed the memories of old Eldians outside of Paradis. 

"I don't know it's been sitting here in my bookshelf but I don't understand a word that it says" Armin said. 

The book was about the history of Eldia and how the walls are built or such and explains the war between Marley and Eldia. 

How Ymir Fritz inherited the founding titan and about Ymir's curse. 

Mikasa had to lie what the book contents all about 

"It's just ideology and such ,it's boring" Mikasa lied. 

"Can I have it Armin? " Mikasa asked. 

"Oh sure I'm not even reading it" Armin said. 

"Can you speak foreign language Mikasa?" Eren asked. 

Mikasa swallowed a lump on her throat, she really doesn't like lying to people but she has to. 

"Uh my mom taught me how to understand foreign language, I don't know what language is this but I can understand it" Yes, Ackerman's and Asians can read old Eldian language and they can't be brainwashed because they're not subjects of Ymir so the king slaughtered their ethnicity. 

And the book was also written by who seems to be an asian 

"As I told you it's boring you don't want to hear it" Mikasa said and looked for other books. 

"Here Mikasa a medical book" Armin handed her a thick book. 

"Do you have some biology ones?" She asked. 

Armin found one and also handed it to Mikasa. 

\-------

After they went book hunting Eren and Mikasa went home for dinner, they were greeted by Carla who is making the table. 

"We're home!" Eren said greeting his mom. Grisha was on the living room reading books as Mikasa placed her borrowed books on the table but hiding 'that book ' from Grisha because Grisha might question her and she might get in trouble. 

After she carefully hid the book on her room. 

"Dinner is ready!" Carla said, and placed the food on the table. Everyone sat on their chairs and eat. 

While they're eating Eren spoke

"Ah right Mom, Earlier when we're going to visit Armin he was getting bullied by these group of older kids and they won't hand him his book so I was getting angry and almost punched one of them but then Mikasa started acting scary and punched one of them in the face" Eren said while laughing. 

"And they were so scared of Mikasa they started running away from us" Eren said 

Mikasa hid her face under her hair, The two couple always viewed her as a young define lady eversince. 

"So uh Mom Mikasa is going to teach Armin self defense so uh could I also learn?" Eren asked hesitantly. 

Carla's one eyebrows lifted while she's looking at Eren. 

"Just promise me you won't start fights and only use what you learned from Mikasa to protect yourself" Carla said while eating her soup. 

Eren's eyes lighten up and the Yeager kid smiled in so much joy and hugged his mom. 

Mikasa smiled at the view, She also misses her mom and the reminder that Carla Yeager will die in a year makes her even more sad. 

"Mikasa I saw your medical books earlier are you interested in biology?" Grisha asked the young girl, Mikasa doesn't really like studying before but now she has to find a way to lift Ymir's curse maybe there's an explanation on how and why titan shifters can only live 13 years and below. 

In her 2nd life Hange did an experiment to Eren and Armin and they found out that ordinary human blood and a titan shifters blood are different, It seems like Titan shifters blood has a lot of Red blood cell than white blood cell, causing for the RBC and WBC to be unbalanced. 

Whilst Ackerman blood aren't tested out yet but it seems like Ackerman's are immune to Ymir's curse because they have enough antibodies in their blood and they can't shift into Titans. 

People still doesn't know about that and it's the best if don't know because the Ackerman's will be in total danger if so. 

"Uh yeah I'm kind of interested in biology I dreamt of being a doctor once" Mikasa lied and faked a smile,  
'it's hard to act like a kid' Mikasa mentally complained. 

"Will you like me to teach you about biology then?" Grisha happily asked. 

"I really wanna teach Eren these kinds of things but he won't listen to me" Grisha said while rolling his eyes. 

Eren then let his tongue jokingly at his father. 

"Really? That'll be great" Mikasa said and smiled, Grisha doesn't have to know what she's studying about but she does really needs help from a professional. 

"Oh by the way I'm going to Trost for something tommorow who wants to come with me?" Carla said. 

"I'm sorry Mom I have something to do at Armin's " Eren said while gulping his soup. 

Mikasa remembered that tommorow is the arrival of Survey corps from their 20th expedition, They will arrive at Trost tommorow. 

"Uh I can come" Mikasa suggested. 

"Hmm okay, We'll leave before 7am Mikasa" Carla hummed and Mikasa smiled. 

They ate dinner and Grisha called Mikasa to the living room for a study session. 

"So today we will learn about environment" Grisha said. 

"Uh actually I wanna learn about genetics and physiology" Mikasa said. 

"Oh but are you sure? It's quite hard for a kid" Grisha said quite hesitant. 

Mikasa nodded and Grisha brought his medical books. 

They began their studying session. 

"Human blood is composed of 45% cellular components and 55% plasma" Grisha said to Mikasa. 

"What will happen if RBC's are unbalanced in a human body?" Mikasa asked. 

"Oh you will certainly die" Grisha said, But Mikasa thought 'but why does Titan shifters develop more RBC? Is it because of their abilities to regenerate? ' 

"And oh what about cancers are there antibodies for there?" Mikasa asked again, In her second life when they're in Hizuru the time where the Asian clan wanted to meet them Hange made an experiment there using a lab in Hizuru. 

They found out that Ackerman's blood has a decent amount of White blood cell and their immune system is pretty high for a normal human being. 

It is still unknown though if Ackerman's blood can lift the curse of ymir because the curse of Ymir has a scientific explanation to be exact, It's like a cancer that ruins a Titan shifter's body for years, Leaving them with a 13 years to live. 

'But what if Ackerman's blood can lift it? Will I be able to save them from dying?' Mikasa wondered. 

"Uhm no there's still no medicine for cancer" Grisha answered her. 

"May I ask if how many years will there's left if a person develops lukemia without any treatments?" She asked again. 

"Well a person who has blood cancer it'll be most likely within the range of 4-6 years" Grisha said. 

"6 years huh" Mikasa muttered. 

"Hmm?" Grisha hummed he didn't heard what Mikasa said. 

"A-ah nothing " Mikasa said and looked down on the floor. 

She also noticed that her body heals in fast paced compared to a normal human being so maybe there's hope. 

She now just needs Levi and Hange's help. 

"Hey Mikasa you should really go to sleep now, you'll be leaving early" Eren said to Mikasa while drinking a water. 

She looked at his emerald eyes and nodded. 

"Thank you Mr. Yeager for teaching me" She politely thanked him and Grisha politely nodded. 

Eren's and Mikasa's room are just right infront of each other so Eren brought Mikasa to her room. 

"Why are you so interested in medicine? I thought you're more interested in embroidery or something" Eren said. 

'bold of you to assume I like those' Mikasa thought. 

" I want to save someone or I might be able to save someone " Mikasa said and went to her room leaving the young Yeager to wonder what's the meaning behind her words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first ever eremika fanfiction so please bare with it, I'm not american and English isn't my first language so I'm sorry in advance if there's any grammatical errors or typographical errors. 
> 
> This fanfiction would be a mess and I'm kinda going to contradict Isayama's plot with my plot and Mikasa's point of view. 
> 
> Also notice there's science involved in this? I'm gonna explain in the future updates and my science theories maybe inaccurate because I'm just making things up for my plot so I'm so sorry in advance
> 
> Just watch me ruin AOT in the next chapters lmao.
> 
> Anyways please expect slow updates because I'm lazy asf, but I'll try hardest to update atleast twice or trice a week. 
> 
> Anyway lovelots wear your facemasks and stay safe ;)


	3. Hopeless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is living truly worth it?

It was still cold outside but Mikasa and Carla are already getting ready before they leave to go to the Trost district. 

"Are you ready Mikasa?" Carla asked Mikasa who's wearing her pink dress and a straw hat, Mikasa smiled at her and nodded. 

They left Shiganshina riding a carriage, It was 2hour long trip but Mikasa wasn't bored because of Carla's stories about Eren. 

"You really love Eren Mrs. Yeager" Mikasa said and looked at the woman who's looking outside of the window and smiling. 

"You know Mikasa even if Eren is a pain in the ass sometimes I really love my son, He's the best gift that I've ever received in my life. I'm sure your parents loves you as much as Grisha and I loves Eren" Carla said and patted Mikasa in the head. 

Mikasa smiled at Carla, She swore to save Carla this time maybe everything can change if Carla didn't die. 

"We've arrived, Come on Mikasa" After the long hours of trip, They arrived at the district of Trost. 

Mikasa stepped out on the carriage and saw the beauty of Trost, too bad it's also gonna be destroyed once the 104th training corps step their feets on Trost. 

It was a busy area full of busy people who likes to shop here and there, Carla is going to buy medicines that Grisha listed and she will also buy groceries for the family because ingredients are so much cheaper in Trost rather than the local market in Shiganshina. 

"I'm just going to buy stuff inside the store Mikasa would you like to come?" Carla asked. 

Mikasa shook her head and said 

"No thank you Mrs. Yeager but I'm going to look around here also" Mikasa said. She will have to find the survey corps who's going to arrive there today at Trost. 

Quite hesitant Carla asked Mikasa 

"Are you sure you won't get lost?" Mikasa smiled and shook her head. 

"Well okay then, just make sure you're here infront of the store in 10 minutes" Carla said and told Mikasa to be careful and don't talk to strangers. 

Carla went inside the store as the survey corps also arrived. 

"My prediction is right they're all here" Mikasa said and went inside the crowd of people. 

She heard people calling survey corps names such as suicide squad,useless shts and many more. 

She then saw Levi,Hange and Erwin looking so defeated because they lost many comrades again. 

"Here goes nothing" Mikasa muttered and approached the three Survey corps veterans. 

"Uncle shorty" Mikasa called Levi, which she received a glare from Levi. Hange then laughed out loud as Levi give him the death stare. 

"This kid has the guts to call Levi shorty" Erwin amused looking at Mikasa. 

"What do you want brat? Do you want candy cause I don't have fcking one" Levi spat looking at Mikasa. 

Mikasa mentally rolled her eyes and scoffed. He never change doesn't he. 

"Shiganshina will fall in a year, you have to do something" Mikasa said and she knows that they won't believe her. 

The trio looked at her and Levi started laughing which is surprising. 

"Now that is some funny sht here, go away kid we don't have time to play with you" Levi said, almost dragging the two. 

Mikasa scoffed and looked at the three veterans

"I don't care whether you believe me or not but I already took part on what I have to do I'm just giving you a heads up that a titan will and might break into Wall Maria, Now it's your choice whether believe a 10 year old girl" Mikasa said and turned her back to walk away. 

"And oh by the way, this is a way for the survey corps to prove that they're not useless as people said" Mikasa added and completely left the trio with confusion. 

Mikasa went infront of the store as she and Carla agreed upon to and she waited for Carla there. 

Carla stepped out from the shop and smiled at Mikasa. 

"So let's go to the market?" Carla asked and they went to the Trost market, They bought many things such as vegetables and meat they also bought sweets and fruits. 

The market was busier rather than Mikasa thought it would be, It was already noon and it's time for lunch. 

Carla asked Mikasa if she's hungry and Mikasa agreed upon to that they're gonna eat sandwich from a sandwich stall. 

As they were waiting for their sandwich to be prepared, Mikasa saw someone who looked familiar. 

A boy who's chubby and had a brown hair was getting bullied by a bunch of older kids. 

Mikasa stared at the kid who's getting bullied and gasped as she realized who that kid was. 

"Jean!?" Mikasa said in shock, She never knew that he's a chubby baby. Jean got kicked in the stomach by the bunch of older kids. 

Mikasa's gaze went sharp as she clenched her fist in anger. Carla then sensed that Mikasa is upset so she looked at the direction where Mikasa is starting at. 

Carla frowned at the scene that she's witnessing

"Mikasa stay here okay? I'm just going to teach kids what their parents can't teach them" Carla said with Mikasa left confused. 

She approached the group of older kids and Jean who's full of dirt sitting on the ground. 

"Oi! You kids play with something or what how dare you bully someone younger than you! You can't even pick someone your own size!" Carla shouted at the kids as the kids ran away from them. 

The vendor handed the sandwich to Mikasa and she approached Carla and Jean, Carla was helping Jean remove dust on his shirt as Jean looked he's about to cry. 

"Now kid where's your mom?" Carla asked. 

" S-she's at h-home" Jean said. 

"Why didn't you punched them?" Mikasa asked Jean, He was totally the opposite when they grow up, He's a hot headed, competitive young lad. 

"B-because m-mom told me that I shouldn't fight back" Jean said shy as he started at the ground. 

"You're the opposite of my son, he's a hot headed kid and also reckless, He always gets involved into fights" Carla said and smiled at Jean. 

"You can now go home kid it's safe" Carla said to Jean and Jean bowed thanked Carla as he ran away. 

\---  
Mikasa and Carla went home it was already afternoon when they got home, Eren wasn't still there but Grisha was there reading his news paper. 

"We're home!" Carla said and dropped her shopping bags in the kitchen. 

"Mikasa can you get Eren, I bet he's still with Armin until now" Grisha said and Mikasa nodded. 

When they were kids they always play at that big tree near the flower field, So she hurriedly went there and saw Eren and Armin playing tag. 

The wind was blowing heavy and it's literally freezing there, Mikasa was shivering in the cold breeze hitting her body, she isn't used to cold breeze because she always has her scarf on her neck but times different. 

"Hey Eren your dad asked me to call you for dinner" Mikasa said to Eren, The two looked at Mikasa and stopped running. 

"Oh see you tomorrow then Eren" Armin said as he went away waving goodbye at them. 

"Have you just arrived?" Eren asked Mikasa who's hugging herself because of the cold winds. 

"Yeah" Mikasa answer, A harsh wind blew again causing Mikasa to sneeze. 

It was embarrassing for Mikasa so she hid her face under her hair, Eren then suddenly unwrapped his red scarf around his neck almost wrapping it to Mikasa but Mikasa declined. 

"Don't even try to decline, you're obviously cold" Eren said, As he tries to wrap the scarf around Mikasa. 

"I'm not cold I swear" Mikasa said as she fight the urge to accept it. 

"Why do even have a scarf it's literally burning hot awhile ago" Mikasa complained

Eren rolled his eyes and wrapped it around Mikasa anyway, Mikasa clicked her tongue in annoyance, She accepted her defeat but that doesn't mean that she will wear that fcking scarf as she always do before. 

"So let's goo!" Eren shouted and dragged Mikasa home. 

'why do you always have it your way' Mikasa quite irritated muttered to herself. 

When they reached the house, Carla was still cooking dinner so Mikasa helped setting up the table. 

She removed the scarf around her neck and hid it under the bedside drawer.

Meanwhile Eren had a pep talk with Grisha, When Mikasa finished setting up but the food isn't ready yet, She brought her books into the living room and she found the perfect opportunity to study quietly. 

She found out that a cancer has side effects in people's body and titan shifters blood has cancer cells in it so they had similarities such as weight loss, vomiting of blood and weak immune system. 

"So if my body has antibodies in it wouldn't it create more white blood cell if a Titan shifters blood went into my blood stream?" Mikasa wondered.

Because the white blood cell prevents virus and bacteria taking over human's immune system it's obvious that if a cancer cell enters a body, the WBC will create more replica of themselves, However more WBC in the body means lukemia and later on is death. 

"Wow" Mikasa said as she read through the book, There's more shts about blood in the book which is making her head ache. 

She never studied like this ever in her past lives, so this is all new for her. 

Carla called everyone into the dining room and they ate dinner, after that everybody decided they will go to bed except for Mikasa. 

She went outside and sat down at the porch, while looking at the stars and the moon. 

The last time they had the chance to admire night sky's beauty is the time where Eren asked her what he is to her. 

"What if I gave him a different answer, will everything change?" Mikasa asked herself, If that time she gave a different answer will it make a difference? Will Eren still do what he had done?

As she stared at the sky she felt someone approaching her, She turned on her back and saw Eren with his favorite Black cardigan. 

"I thought you're already going to sleep?" Mikasa asked Eren. 

Eren sat beside Mikasa and looked at her, His green orbs glowing under the moonlight making Mikasa's heart skip a beat. 

'You're so dangerous' Mikasa said in her head. 

" I can't sleep and I noticed somethings bothering you" Eren said and looked at the dark sky. 

"Huh? There's nothing bothering me" Mikasa said and looked away. 

"Oh really?" Eren said sarcastically and chuckled. 

"Mikasa do you believe in Dejà vú, Armin said it's like something like a certain events feels familiar or a person feels familiar but you don't remember doing it" Eren said and looked at Mikasa, Mikasa stared at his eyes. His innocence, his smile, his happiness, Mikasa wanted to protect it. 

"You know when I found you that day, It feels like dejà vú" Eren said and laughed. 

"Do you think we happen to meet eachother in our past life?" Eren asked her. 

"Who knows" Mikasa lied, He's always there, he's always by her side even if it's the first or third life Eren's always there. 

"Oh look! A shooting star! Armin calls that a shooting star" Eren said and pointed at a meteor. 

"When a shooting star falls you have to make a wish, close your eyes quick!" Eren said and closed his eyes. 

Mikasa stared at Eren who's making a wish, a tear almost escaping her eyes. How can she save him from destroying himself. 

Mikasa's heart almost melted but she reminded herself that going soft with him won't do anything good anymore. 

Mikasa then closed her eyes and made a wish. 

'Let me save them this time, let me protect their happiness and smile please' Mikasa plead. 

Mikasa opened her eyes and so as Eren, Eren looked at her and smiled. 

"I wished for something but I won't tell you because Armin said it won't come true" Eren said and playfully let out his tongue. 

Mikasa then rolled her eyes, They leaned their backs on the wooden wall and stared at the sky. 

The cool breeze embracing their bodies, the sounds of wind and crickets and the sound of emptiness comforts Mikasa. 

"So peaceful" Mikasa whispered as she looked at Eren who already dozed off while sleeping, Mikasa facepalmed and carried Eren to his room. 

He placed Eren on his bed and tucked him in his blanket, Mikasa stared at the sleeping Yeager kid and memories of unwanted events started playing in her mind. 

"Mikasa I always hated you" 

"You're siding with him now Mikasa!?" 

"We have to kill him" 

Mikasa's hands started trembling as her breathing started to get heavier. 

She's having panic attacks again, She walked out from Eren's room and ran towards her room before letting her tears fall. 

She's shivering in fear, asking herself why does that need to happen, did she deserved to be this happy? 

Is living truly worth it? 

Mikasa sobbed at the memories of her dead comrades and at Eren's dead body. 

She cried as hard as she can without making a sound asking herself again why does it has to be her going through that pain all over again?

Mikasa cried all through the night until she's tired and her heart feels empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story might looked slow paced but I'm trying my best as to not be slowpaced, Things will start to unfold in the future updates


	4. Fallen Dreams

"Sasha!" 

A sound of gun shot lingering inside the airship as Jean and Connie panicked, Mikasa ran outside and saw Sasha lying on the floor fighting for her life. 

"Sasha!" Mikasa and Armin shouted as they approached Sasha on the floor, Her eyes looking empty and her breathing getting weaker and weaker. 

Gabi's voice bombarded the whole airship as she shout as how people in Paradis are devils and they deserve to be dead. 

"Meat" Sasha spoke her last words and her breathing stopped. Connie started tapping Sasha's shoulder 

"Sasha? We're nearly there we're going to eat lots of meat so please wake up, Sasha!" Connie cried begging for Sasha to wake up. 

"S-sasha" Mikasa started sobbing while Armin is also crying in grief. 

"Sasha!" They all cried as Jean fell into his knees staring at his friend's dead body. 

Mikasa gripped Sasha's clothes and cried as hard as she can. 

But suddenly Sasha opened her eyes and looked at Mikasa

"Why did you let me die Mikasa" Sasha said looking at Mikasa with a bloody clothes and looking pale. 

Mikasa who's shivering in fear backed away as she has no clue what the hell is going on.

Everybody looked at her with their bloody and injured bodies.

"W-what S-sasha no" Mikasa cried, As dead bodies of Armin,Hange and her other friends surrounds her. 

"Why did you let us die Mikasa?" A half eaten Armin said and choked Mikasa. 

Mikasa started sobbing and crying asking for help. 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" she apologized as she struggled to speak and breathe. 

"Die!" They all shouted,As Mikasa struggle also blaming herself for her friends death. 

She thought that she deserves it, She deserves all the pain of not being able to save them. 

\---

Mikasa was panting heavily and was awaken by her nightmare every once and a while she's having nightmares of her dead friends making it hard for her to go to sleep. 

Mikasa shivered as she remembered what her dream was all about, She cried as hard as she can without making any kind of sound. 

It's been a year since the Yeager's took her in but everything feels fast for Mikasa, The fall of Shiganshina is today and everytime it's getting closer and closer her anxiety is getting worst. 

It's the year 845 

"I-it's today" Mikasa muttered as she swallow the lump on her throat, Her heart beating abnormally. She feels scared but she doesn't have to be. 

She's living a normal life, In the past few months she studied all out and taught Armin and Eren self-defense but whenever the night strikes she's covered in fear and loneliness. 

It was then she realized it was already morning, She tried to calm herself down before stepping out of her room. 

She then saw Carla who's preparing breakfast as Eren watched her, Mikasa swallowed and act as if she's not experiencing panic attacks awhile ago. 

"Mikasa are you okay?" Eren asked Mikasa with concern as she looks like she's about to panic at any moment. 

"Huh I'm f-fine" Mikasa managed to answer but her knees are so wobbly right now, Her main objective today is to save her books and to save Carla so her plan is to stick with Carla all the time. 

Mikasa took a deep breath and smiled, Managing to calm herself down. Carla then asked them to pick up some sticks for cooking, They both agreed although Mikasa doesn't want to leave. 

\-----  
They went to that old tree near the flower field of bell flowers, They strated picking up sticks as they arrived. 

Mikasa picked many sticks meanwhile Eren was sleeping, Again as she always remember before the Fall of Shiganshina he always sleeps on that tree. 

Mikasa approached Eren who looked like he's having a nightmare, She then shook him and called his name. 

"Eren! Wake up!" Mikasa said, Her patience with her paranoia is not a good combination, She really needs to get home as soon as possible. 

"Eren!" She said again and shook him harder. 

Eren opened his eyes and saw Mikasa, Who stood up and rolled her eyes.

"I've been picking up sticks and you're sleeping " Mikasa said and frowned. 

"I'm not sleeping, it's just that I had a weird dream" Eren said and scratched his eyes. 

'That weird dream again?' Mikasa wondered. 

"It feels like as if I've had a long dream" Eren said, Mikasa looked at him and to her suprise he's crying again like he always does. 

"E-eren you're crying" Again, She said at him, He also looked suprised as he felt tears on his hands. 

"I-i'm crying?" He asked. Mikasa helped him stand up. 

"Anyway let's go home I bet your mom is waiting for us" Mikasa said and they walked home, While they're walking they came across with the drunk Garrison dudes and Hannes. 

"You're such an alcoholic Hannes" Mikasa complained, and Hannes chuckled. 

"Why aren't you guarding the walls!? What if some titan managed to climb up" Eren complained. 

"Oh that's impossible Eren, Titans can't climb walls" the drunk Hannes said and laughed. 

"You're so incompetent with your job why the hell did you joined Garrison in the first place!?" Eren shouted.

The drunk Garrison dudes laughed at Eren in amusement. 

"Hey listen kid, the reason why we joined the Garrison is to live a happy and free life, well unlike those survey corps" one of the drunk Garrison said. 

Eren frowned and sharply looked at them

"I will never be someone like you! I will join the Survey corps to save and protect humanity!" Eren spat as he tried to fight with the officers, Mikasa hit him with her stick in the back of his head. 

"Ow! Why did you hit me!?" Eren complained, Mikasa looked at her and rolled her eyes. 

"Don't get into fights, Let's go" Mikasa said almost dragging Eren. 

Eren never stopped screaming shts until the Garrison officers are out of their sights. 

"You'll join the survey corps?" Mikasa asked Eren, Eren smiled at him and nodded.

"Yes! I'm gonna join them and save humanity!" Eren declared, Mikasa scoffed and rolled her eyes. 

'yea like you would want to save humanity' she mentally said. 

"I'm supposed to disagree with you but I'm also gonna join scouts" Mikasa said while walking, Eren looked at him in confusion he might be confused on why does Mikasa wanted to join the scouts. 

"Are you going to follow me again?" Eren quite annoyed asked, Mikasa frowned and faked a laugh. 

"What the- no! " She denied, Eren glared at her. 

"I'm serious Eren I'm free like a chicken out of poultry and why would I follow you" she spat, Well half of her reason is to save humanity and save her friends but Eren is still part of the reason, besides she misses her ODM gear. 

"But you know Eren ask your mom for permission first, If you don't ask her I'm gonna have to expose you" Mikasa said, Eren gave him a death stare but she doesn't care. 

"Oh! The Survey corps has arrived!" Eren exclaimed and dragged Mikasa to the crowd of people who keeps insulting survey corps. 

As the survey corps arrived they saw a bunch of injured and mentally scarred soldiers, Who has seen enough horrors outside that damned wall. 

"Tsk those mofos are at it again" 

"They're just a bunch of show offs heroes wannabe" 

A bunch of people throw insults to the survey corps

Erwin made an eye contact with Eren and Mikasa and Mikasa raised her eyebrows

'If you blow up this chance it's a loss for you' She mentally said. 

The reputation of the survey corps are in their hands

A mother approached the commander of the Survey corps and asked where his son is but unfortunately it looks like he's dead and what's only left of him is his arm. 

The mother blamed the survey corps and cursed them. 

"You! You influenced my son! I told him! I told him not to join your suicide troop!" She cried while shouting. 

"You killed my son!" She said and gripped the commander's uniform. 

The commander bowed and apologized for a unexpected death of a comrade. 

Mikasa felt pain as she watch things unfold, They viewed the Survey Corps as a joke but they didn't think that Survey Corps can save them in the future. 

The remaining members of the Corps walked away as people still insult them. 

"Yeah walk away punks!" A man near Eren screamed, Eren then hit the man with his stick. 

"How dare you insult them like that!" Eren shouted at the man besides them. 

Mikasa looked at him in disbelief as he dragged Eren again. 

"You can't breathe without fighting someone huh?" Mikasa said and angrily threw Eren towards the wall. 

Eren hit his back and head on the marble wall and groaned in pain. 

The sticks eren picked up and was supposed to be in his back is now scattered everywhere.

"W-what's your problem!? My sticks!" Eren groaned in frustration and picked up his sticks. 

"You know your mom can die of heart attack with 50% chance rather than dying because of being eaten by a titan, Your mom is going to get heart attack because of you Mr. Yeager" Mikasa sarcastically said and helped him pick up his sticks. 

"You're being more hot headed than me Mikasa jeez" Eren said while looking at her, Mikasa is so anxious she just wants to go home so she can keep an eye on Carla. 

"Just shut up Eren we're going home" Mikasa said and walked away. 

\----   
When they arrived Carla was still cooking and Grisha was reading his newspaper. 

'just like before, everything's fine Mikasa' She tried to calm herself down. 

"Oh it looks like we have enough sticks for two weeks, Good job" Carla said and pinched Eren's cheek making him groan in pain. 

"Mooom" He complained as Carla let go of his cheeks. 

Eren sat on the chair as he waits for the food to be finally cooked.

Mikasa kicked Eren's feet under the table and whispered. 

"Tell her!" She demand, Eren groaned and rolled his eyes, He shook his head he doesn't want to. 

Mikasa snapped and looked at Carla. 

"Eren's going to join Survey corps" Mikasa said out loud, Eren looked at her in irritation and gave her a death glare. 

"You just can't shut your mouth" Eren complained, Carla who was shocked at what she heard approached Eren and held him by his shoulder. 

"What did I tell you about that!? Do you want to die Eren!? Or do you want me to die!?" Carla said as she angrily look at her son. 

"You know how dangerous it is outside that wall!" Carla shouted. 

Eren glared at Mikasa who just ignored him and looked at his mother who looks like she's about to faint. 

"But Mom I really wanna join Survey Corps!" Eren demanded. 

"No! You will never join them! It's too dangerous!" Carla explained trying to calm herself. 

"Dad!" Eren looked at his Dad to convince his Mom. 

Grisha looked at Eren in confusion and gave the 'wtf am I supposed to do ' look but he took a sip of his coffee and cleared his throat. 

"Now now you two should calm down, Eren think twice before making a decision" Grisha said. 

"Our son could die!" Carla complained as Eren protested. 

"No! I won't" he said, Mikasa mentally face palmed as they were literally screaming at eachother. 

Grisha stood up after finishing his breakfast and said. 

"I'm going to leave for work I'll be back in a couple of weeks or so" Grisha said and kissed his wife on the cheek.

"Do something about Eren!" Carla demanded, Grisha sighed in defeat. 

They were infront of the door, Grisha showed Eren they key into the basement and said. 

"If you behave I'll show you what I'm doing in the basement Eren" Grisha said as Eren's eyes sparkled. 

"Wow! Really Dad!? " Eren said in amusement. 

"But! Only if you behave" Grisha said and hid the key. 

"Goodbye Honey have a safe trip" They bid goodbye as Grisha walks away. 

"Now what" Mikasa muttered, She has to stick with Carla all day. 

"Eren! You won't join Survey Corps do you hear me!?" Carla said trying to convince her son. 

"You can't stop me from what I want to do!" Eren shouted at his mom and ran away. 

Carla shouted at her attempting to stop him but failed, Carla looked at Mikasa and said. 

"Mikasa, That boy is too dangerous for himself, Promise me you'll always protect him from putting himself into danger!" Carla said to Mikasa, which Mikasa highly agreed upon on, She vowed to protect him but she won't follow him like a dog following it's owner. 

She will be by his side but she also needs to look after others. 

After that Mikasa was supposed to follow Eren but she didn't, They both entered the house and Mikasa helped Carla with house chores. 

They cleaned the whole house and did laundry all day, The time where the titans will attack is getting near and Mikasa is getting more nervous. 

She's about to have a mental breakdown while unable to read her books, She's on the same page for a minute or so. 

Carla suddenly called her, She put her books into a body bag and clutch the bag on her body. 

"Mikasa can you pick up some eggplants and tomatoes from the neighbors garden?" Carla asked Mikasa. 

Mikasa was quiet hesitant because she knows she can't leave Carla by her own but she also can't disobey her because that will be rude. 

"R-right now?" Mikasa asked quite sweating cold. 

Carla nodded and smiled, Mikasa faked a smile trying to hide her fearful expression. 

'maybe if I hurry up I can get back in time to drag her out of the house' Mikasa wondered and ran outside, The garden of their good neighbor is on the back side of the house two blocks away from the home.

Mikasa ran, greet the homeowner and when she reached the garden she picked tomatoes and eggplants quite hurrying she stood up and was about to ran she heard a big thunder sound and a bright lighting that hurts her eye making her close it. 

She covered her eyes with her hands and as the lightning fades, She saw the Colossal Titan. 

She's not scared because she had saw that thing countless of times and slaughtered many times. 

But she froze that time she didn't know why but there's a lump on her throat that she can't swallow. 

And there comes the Armored Titan attacking the wall, Mikasa's eyes widen at the realization that hit her. 

But she's too late, She heard a loud thud not so far away, She ran as fast as she can and when she reached the house she broke down. 

Mikasa saw a large rock on top of the destroyed Yeager's Residence. 

Mikasa fell into her knees, denying the fact that she failed again, She failed to save Carla again. 

Mikasa started trembling and started feeling a heavy pain in her chest, Having a heard time to breathe. 

She's having panic attacks again, She started crying helplessly while she looked at the destroyed house. 

She crawl herself near into the house as she saw Carla who's unconscious but still breathing. 

"Mrs. Yeager, you can't die please" Mikasa cried as she tried to lift some woods and stuff that is on top of Carla. 

Carla weakly opened her eyes and saw Mikasa, She touched Mikasa's face as she cried. 

"M-Mikasa protect Eren please, and also don't forget to take care of yourself" Carla said as tears drops on her cheeks. 

Mikasa cried as hard as she can, She tried to lift some more stuff but failed to free her.

"Damn it!" Mikasa frustratingly cursed as she sobbed. 

"Mikasa stop it, it's my time just promise me that you'll both live, I-I may not be a good mother to Eren and a good mother figure to you but I'm thankful t-that you both became my children" Carla sobbed as Mikasa held her hand also crying. 

"I-I can't leave you here not again!" Mikasa said as she tried to lift big rocks and pile of woods again. 

"Why the hell can't I lift it!" Mikasa shouted in frustration and cried, She's so strong whenever she wants to but can't lift a fcking rock. 

Mikasa kneeled as she cried, The voices inside her head telling her to give up because it's her fault but she didn't. 

'If you die you lose, If you fight you win' Mikasa mentally chanted remembering what Eren has told her many times. 

Mikasa also heard Carla telling her to leave her but she didn't even flinched, She also heard Eren and Hannes scream as they ran towards them because the Smiling titan is approaching but she didn't followed them. 

"Mikasa! Run! Mikasa!" Hannes shouted as she stops Eren from running. 

"No! I can't let her die I can't let her die again!" Mikasa muttered as she cry and picking up some pile of pointy woods leaving cuts and injuries on her hand but she didn't care. 

"Mikasa stop!" Eren screamed but Mikasa didn't listened. 

"Please Mikasa" Carla cried, Mikasa was still picking up shts but suddenly a big chunk of wood hit her head which hurts a lot because it's literally a big chunk. 

Mikasa stopped at what she's doing and felt a little dizzy, Her vision became blurry as she heard Hannes and Eren approaching she looked at them with blurred vision as she felt like she's about to faint. 

Mikasa's knees felt weak as she hit the floor, she heard Carla,Eren and Hannes shouting her name. 

Before she closed her eyes a tear dropped on her cheeks as she looks at Carla. 

"I'm sorry" Mikasa muttered as she lost consciousness.

She failed again, She failed to protect what she wants to protect. 

Is protecting someone has really to be that hard?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's about to start! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading


	5. Save me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What does it takes to be free?

"save me" 

Sand

"Save us" 

Little Girl

"Who are you?" 

Light

"Please free us" 

\----  
Mikasa woke up with a major headache as she opened her eyes she's already in the boat towards Wall Rose, She had a weird dream but now isn't the time to think about that. 

She jolted as she looks around, She saw Eren who looks traumatized and Armin who looks defeated and then a realization suddenly hit her. 

"W-where's your mom Eren?" Mikasa quietly asked. 

"She's g-gone Mikasa" Eren said as he clenched his fist. 

Mikasa swallowed a lump on her throat fighting her tears to fall, She looked up in the sky try to prevent her tears but failed. 

She laughed but why is she crying, She laughed until sadness took over her heart, She never cried before when Carla died because she thought that crying is a sign of weakness but she soon realized that crying is okay because crying is a sign that you also have feelings. 

"I'm so sorry Eren I'm so sorry" Mikasa weeped as she cried hard, Armin pat her back as he caress it. 

"I-I failed to save her Eren" Mikasa whimpered, tears can't stop falling from her cheeks. 

She cried and cried, Armin comfort her as Eren also cried silently. 

"It's the titans fault! My mom died because of a Titan! I will avenge her! I won't let my mom die in vain!" Eren shouted as he cried.

They felt scared,sad and anger, Mikasa felt angry to herself because she failed again to protect someone she cared for. 

She sobbed till she can't cry anymore,After awhile they became quiet as they saw the armored titan trying to run after the boats. 

Screams enveloped the whole city, Many innocent lives were taken, Mikasa saw some survey corps officers trying to fight the Armored Titan away. 

They watched in horror as Shiganshina was out of their sight,It was already evening when they reached Wall Rose. 

No one dared to talk when they got out from the boat, They just silently walked with dead eyes who has seen enough horrors to be traumatized. 

Mikasa clenched her fist still can't swallow the fact that she failed to save Carla from being eaten. 

Eren and Armin excused theirselves to grab some food for them and as they went away Mikasa started crying silently. 

"I'm so fcking useless, I shouldn't have leave her there" Mikasa sobbed as she gripped her black hair. 

Mikasa was having a hard time to breathe again, As she gasp for air hitting her chest with her fist while sobbing, She looks so hopeless. 

The Humanity's Second strongest is now suffering from anxiety attacks,the demons inside her head wanting to unleash again. 

She's trying her best to fight it back but the emotional and mental stress is too much, She lost someone she dearly love again. 

"Mikasa!" Armin shouted as she noticed Mikasa was having a hard time to breathe, She hugged her and caress her back. 

As she gasped for air she cried,Eren looked at her with pain in his eyes. 

"Eren I'm sorry" she kept apologizing,As Eren gave her an reassuring look. 

"It's not your fault Mikasa it's the Titans fault" Eren said as he clenched his fist, Mikasa looked at him and shook her thoughts away. 

"Mom was eaten by that damn Titan!" Eren spat in anger. 

'You're also a Titan Eren' Mikasa wanted to say that but didn't. 

Mikasa calmed herself down as she gasped for air to breathe,Armin gave Mikasa a water that the government distributed. 

After that they decided not to talk about anything and just go to sleep, They were too exhausted to do anything and say anything. 

Mikasa silently sobbed as the night went away. 

\-----

"Mikasa! Save me!" Carla cried as she was being dragged away by the smiling Titan

"Mrs. Yeager! I'm here! I'm her-" Mikasa shouted as she tried to run after them but suddenly stop because Carla who was being dragged awhile ago was standing infront of her with her bloody body and half eaten face, maggots crawling out from her face.

"Why can't you save me Mikasa" Carla whispered into Mikasa's ear. 

"Mikasa!" 

"No no no!" Mikasa shouted almost punching Eren in the face,But as she opened her eyes she saw Eren and Armin wearing a worried look on their faces. 

"Are you alright?" Armin asked and helped her up,It was already morning and they're going to grab some bread for breakfast. 

"U-uh yeah I just had a nightmare" Mikasa said, It was frightening, It felt real. 

"Let's go get something to eat" Eren said and they went inside the crowd. 

Many people was fighting for food like as she remembered, The food supply is not enough for everyone. 

They managed to get some food but heard an insult from Wall Rose Garrison Team. 

"Fcking refugees they're only a burden to Wall Rose" one spat as the other one agreed. 

"Our food supply isn't enough and they're going to be a burden oh come on!"

They heard them well and Eren threw the hard as rock loaf of bread on the heaf of one of the Garrison. 

The man winced in pain as he gave Eren a sharp look, Mikasa scoffed at what she had heard. 

She didn't budge to fight them before but now she would,Eren was about to speak but Mikasa cut him off. 

"As if you Garrison's can do anything if a Titan break inside wall Rose, I bet you'll also just whine and scream for your lives as Survey Corps fight Titans" Mikasa said sarcastically as she rolled her eyes. 

She really doesn't want to fight anyone because she's always calm and collective before but now it's just really digging into her skin, the fact that she can't do anything because she's a child and the fact that she can't disrespect someone if they disrespect them. 

"Brats! How ungrateful of you!" The man shouted. Eren gave them a glare but they were unfazed. 

"Stop acting as if you can do anything!" Mikasa shouted, she emotionally exploded. 

The man was supposed to hit Mikasa but Eren kicked him in the balls as they ran away. 

They towards where they're staying, They huffed for air as Armin glared at them. 

"Both of you really love going into fights! You know violence isn't an answer to a fight" Armin said in annoyance, Mikasa smiled and half apologized. 

"I'm sorry it's getting irritating, anyways let's eat" Mikasa said but Eren refused. 

Which irritated Mikasa because he's refusing again to eat just like what he did before. 

"I swear I will join the Survey corps and won't join that damn Garrison" Eren swore, Mikasa rolled her eyes and Armin gave him a piece of bread but shoved it on the side the perfectly fine bread almost landed on the floor but luckily Armin got it on time. 

"Eren!" Mikasa scolded Eren, as he still refuse to eat.

"No! I won't eat that they can shove that bread up in their ass!" Eren shouted, The last pinch of patience of Mikasa has disappeared as she punched Eren in the face. 

Eren tumbled on the floor as Armin gasped. 

"What the hell was that for!" Eren groaned in pain, As he sat on the cold floor of the hallway. 

Mikasa frowned and shove the bread in his mouth. 

"If you want to join the scouts you should eat, so you could be strong" Mikasa said as she still shove the bread into his mouth. 

"You're not my mom Mikasa!" Eren protested. Mikasa snapped almost hitting him in the face with her bag of books that she managed to save when Shiganshina fell but Armin stopped her. 

"Yeah the hell I'm not your mother but I have to feed you how ironic" She said and shoved the bread again. 

He was about to speak again but he was cut off by Mikasa. 

"Shut up and eat!" Mikasa spat with authority, Armin nervously chuckled in the side, he's also scared at Mikasa she sometimes looks like a monster that can eat them alive. 

Eren continue to eat the bread Mikasa shoved into his mouth until it's gone, Mikasa also eat some bread that Armin shared him with her. 

\----

It was hard living as a refugee they have to fight so they can eat decent food,They were practically homeless and Mikasa was experiencing so much anxiety every night. 

It was now year 846

Armin's grandfather was sent to a suicide mission along with other Survey corps member to retrieve Wall Maria, Mikasa tried to stop Armin's grandfather but it was a mandatory thing so they had no choice. 

Armin's grandfather died with the others because of that failed plan, The Titans ate thousand of people who was sent to Wall Maria. 

Armin was crying when the news reached them,He hold on to his grandfather's hat as he weep. 

"That damn Titans! I will avenge everyone when I joined the survey corps!" Eren shouted,Mikasa was also sad because she can't prevent another death. 

"I'm sorry Armin" Mikasa apologized,Armin hugged her and cried. 

"It's settled I'm also going to join Survey corps" Armin whispered with pain in his voice.

"Let's avenge your grandpa?" Eren asked as he taps Armins back making him cry more. 

"I'll also join Survey corps" Mikasa said, It's settled they're all going to join scouts and when they passed they will join Survey corps. 

Eren and Mikasa let Armin alone per his request,As they walked along the night streets Mikasa sighed. 

"Hey you okay? I noticed that you're having trouble breathing every night" Eren asked. 

They didn't knew that she's having panic attacks ,Eren and Armin just thought that Mikasa has a lung condition or what. 

"Yeah I feel bad for Armin, It's hard to lose someone you love"Mikasa whispered, she has been through enough pain making her heart more fragile but she can't be weak she has someone and something to protect.

"Yeah,Say Mikasa are you sure you're going to join scouts?" Eren asked as they were walking. 

Mikasa looked at him and nodded, She was sure all her life. 

"Yeah why do you ask?" Mikasa asked as she felt the cold wind in her skin. 

"It's nothing it's just that you're a girl and typically a girl won't like to join military" Eren said,Mikasa raised her eyebrows. 

"Sorry to break your bubbles but I thought you how to fight" Mikasa said and crossed her arms. 

Eren laughed sarcastically. 

"Then stop protecting me I can protect myself you know" Eren said making Mikasa quite. 

'He also always says that' Mikasa thought. 

It's quite breaking her heart for some reason that he doesn't want her to protect him,Until now he doesn't want to be protected. 

"You okay?" Eren asked,Mikasa nodded without an emotion on her face. 

"I'm nervous they're going to recruit next month,You think I'm gonna be able to handle their training?" Eren said and chuckled. 

Mikasa quietly nodded as her mind is still flying. 

What's the reason why Eren doesn't want to be protected? Why does he hate her so much? 

'Does he really hate me?' Mikasa asked herself she's also not sure. 

"I swear I would kill all the titans!" Eren declared. 

"I'm scared" Mikasa whispered. She was unsure what she's scared of but she's genuinely scared. 

Maybe because now she's trying to change something she didn't had the chance to change before and maybe she's scared on what is the future outcome of what she changed. 

"I'm scared too Mikasa" Eren whispered,Mikasa looked at him. 

'sht did I just said it out loud' Mikasa mentally cursed. 

"But we have to fight inorder to live, If you fight you win if you die you lose so we must fight" Eren said while looking up at the dark sky. 

"If you die you lose, If you fight you win" Mikasa muttered, She doesn't heard that in ages. 

\---  
Months has passed and there it is the day of the 104th Training corps with Instructor Keith Shadis. 

Everyone was standing up straight as Keith Shadis introduce himself, Everyone was so tense except for Mikasa because she heard his speech a thousand times. 

"Everyone listen up! We don't want a cry baby here in the Training corps so if you cry easily go pack your bags and cry for your mom's help!" Keith Shadis spat with full authority, Armin was shaking right beside Mikasa but still regained his posture as Instructor Shadis walked infront of them. 

"Hey kid! What's your name!" Shadis asked Armin. 

"I'm Armin Arlert from Shiganshina sir!" Armin shouted and placed his fist on his chest. 

"That's a name of a retard! Your parents named you that!?" Shadis shouted

"T-that's- My grandfather named me!" Armin said. 

"Arlert why tf are you here?" He asked. 

"To contribute to Humanity's victory sir!" Armin shouted with all his might.

"How very admirable! You'll be the first to get eaten by a titan" Keith Shadis spat as he stared into Armin's eyes. 

He then turned Armin's face as he shouted. 

"Third squad! Face!" 

Shadis stopped infront of Jean and looked at him. 

"Who are you!?" He asked. 

"Sir! I'm Jean Kirstein from Trost district sir!" Jean proudly answered.

"You! What unit do you want to join after you graduate Training corps" He asked Jean. 

"I will join the Military Police Sir!" Jean answered. 

"Oh a MP aimer here is it because you want a comfortable life"Shadis asked. 

Jean smiled proudly as Mikasa mentally facepalmed. 

' He's going to whoop his ass' Mikasa mentally said. 

"Yes sir!" Jean quite proud answered, Shadis laughed as Jean followed him. 

They both laughed but Shadis then butthead him causing for him to fall into the ground in pain. 

Keith Shadis spat his saliva into the ground as he walked away from Jean who's helplessly on the ground. 

"You who are you!" Shadis asked Marco. 

"I'm Marco Bott! From Jinae Sir! I will join the MP so I can serve the king!" Marco said while smiling.

"Is that so? Good man huh" Shadis chuckled. 

Marco proudly smiled

"But you know the king doesn't need you" Shadis said as he whispered into Marco's ear. 

He left Marco with a shock look on his face as he looked at Connie who looks he's about to piss his pants. 

"Hey you! What's your name!" He asked Connie. 

"Connie Springer Sir! I'm from Ragako!" Connie said and closed his eyes while saluting. 

"Hey Springer! Do you know that when you salute you're supposed to dedicate your heart to the king!?" Shadis shouted as he lifted Connie holding his head. 

"Is your heart placed on your right shithead!?" He angrily asked as Connie struggles.

But then he showed a shocked expression as he looked beside him.

He then noticed Sasha who was eating a potato right infront of him. 

They both stared at eachother, Keith Shadis was so shocked he was frozen. Shadis let Connie go as he approached Sasha who's still eating. 

"Hey you!" Shadis shouted but Sasha was still eating. 

"I'm talking to you!" He spat as he shouted in Sasha's face. 

Sasha gulped her potato and dedicate her heart. 

"I'm Sasha Blouse from Dauper Sir!" She said while her potato is also in her hand.

"Sasha Blouse what the fck is in your right hand?" Shadis asked. 

"A streamed potato sir! I came across this in the kitchen and I picked it up Sir!" Sasha answered.

"You mean you stole it? Why? Why are you eating a potato right now?" Shadis asked still amused. 

"Because I want to eat it while it's still warm, I figured out it's now or never Sir" Sasha answered.

"Why though? Why now?" He still asked amused. 

"Are you asking me why do I eat potato in general sir?" Sasha asked quite clueless, Everyone was so shocked at Sasha's behavior except Mikasa who's hitting her head mentally in a wall because of second hand embarrassment. 

"Uhm I can share a half for you" Sasha said and broke the potato,She gave it to the still shocked Keith Shadis. 

'It wasn't even half it's one fourth' Mikasa mentally said. 

"Half?" Shadis said as he stared on the potato, Sasha awkwardly smiled. 

\-----

"Wait is potato girl still running?" Eren asked. 

"That's unbelievable she's been running for 5hours" Connie said. 

Mikasa facepalm and shook her head in embarrassment. 

'Well that's Sasha for you' Mikasa mentally said as they watched Sasha run for more laps. 

They were finally able to join the Training Corps now her mission is to train hard as she can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crappy update sorry I have classes but I'm still going to try updating atleast once or twice a week 
> 
> Have a nice day everyone thank you for reading!


	6. Work it out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's intoxicating her
> 
> It's cruel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up for emotionally and mentally scarred Mikasa we're going to have a lot of mental breakdowns every other chapters.

It was already evening everyone was on the dining hall to eat,Eren is doing his story telling about how Shiganshina fell as Mikasa and Armin ate in peace. 

"I saw the big guy" Eren said while he bites in his bread. 

"What does it looks like?" Hanna asked curiously and Marco was amused by Eren. 

"He's so tall and has no skin he's just pure muscle it was scary" Eren said. 

"And then what happened?" Someone asked who Mikasa didn't remember his name. 

"They broke into the wall and ate my mom" Eren gripped his spoon in anger, Everyone was silent including Sasha who's just eating her bread. 

"I'm going to join Survey corps to avenge my mom and kill all Titans!" Eren declared,Which made Jean chuckled. 

"How Heroic of you Yeager" he said, Eren frowned almost getting irritated. 

"Well atleast I'm not going to join MP because I just want to have a comfortable life" Eren sarcastically chuckled as he mock Jean who's also getting irritated. 

"Oi Oi let's not fight in the first day mkay?" Connie said getting in between the two hot headed dudes.

"Yeah Let's get along" Eren said while Jean smirked as they shook hands. Mikasa shook her head and rolled her eyes. 

"They're like five" Mikasa whispered as Armin silently chuckled. 

After that meal and Eren almost causing a chaos, they stood up so they can wash and go to sleep. 

Mikasa followed Eren and Armin who was exiting the dining hall when Jean called her. 

"Uhm hey did we perhaps meet?" Jean asked quite blushing. 

'Oh I remember he has a crush on me while we're training' Mikasa thought and looked at Jean who looks like a red tomato. 

"Uh maybe?" Mikasa said and smiled, Jean blushed harder as he smiled at her. Also hinting him that they've already met a long time ago.

"I-I like your long hair" Jean complimented, Mikasa mentally chuckled as he always says that to her. 

"Uh thanks" Mikasa smiled and walked away. It was quite awkward because she's not really friendly she doesn't really know how to act around other's although they're friends before but now she's still a complete stranger to them. 

Mikasa went outside where she was greeted by Eren who's waiting for her. 

They walked outside and talked. 

"Hey cut your hair, it's almost getting longer" Eren said and touched Mikasa's hair, She pushed his hands away from her hair as she was getting irritated. 

"Yeah yeah I'm going to without your advice, I'm supposed to get a haircut last week but I was busy" Mikasa complained. 

"You really don't like when someone touches you" Eren said smirking. Nah Mikasa doesn't care but if it's Eren she cares. His touch is intoxicating, that it makes Mikasa forget that she's angry at him. 

"Just don't touch me and we're good" Mikasa spat. 

They both went other ways because boys and girls bathroom are separated. Upon waking to the bathroom Mikasa stumbled upon Sasha who's still eating a bread. 

Mikasa's breath became hitch as she remembered that nightmare of hers, Until now she's blaming herself for Sasha's death. 

"Oh hellommh" Sasha said while stuffing her mouth with her bread, Mikasa chuckled and smiled. Making Sasha open her mouth in amusement. 

"Wow are you a fairy?" She asked, Mikasa looked at her in confusion. 

"Excuse me?" She asked, Sasha chuckled and smiled. 

"I mean you should smile often you really look pretty" Sasha said and smiled. 

'Do I smile too often?' Mikasa asked herself well she does smile whenever she's with the others but she never used her real smile when she's talking to people. 

"Oh uh thanks" Mikasa whispered as she sighed. 

The time she only smiled because she's really happy is the time they went into the sea, It was really so beautiful. 

After that chitchat Mikasa went inside the shower room and took a bath, She's the only one who's in there because other's are already done so it was an opportunity for Mikasa to self reflect. 

She does developed a habit for crying in the shower a way for her to relieve her stress, Well it sucks but she feels that she has to cry or else everything will go wrong. 

After her pre mental breakdown she left the shower room and went to their sleeping halls. 

She's going to cut her hair, Her roommate is Sasha who's already sleeping when she went inside their room. 

Mikasa grabbed a scissor as she faces the mirror. 

When she cut her hair it means their training would already start and everything will go down hill again. 

Mikasa cut her hair shoulder width. 

"I won't let anyone harm my friends anymore, I'm going to try atleast" Mikasa said as she gulped, she's scared so scared but she has to be strong. 

After that she went to bed.

\-----

The sun wasn't even awake but Mikasa was already up for Training, She knew that Shadis was going to wake them up as early as possible because he likes to torture people and besides she can't sleep she's having anxiety attacks. 

As Mikasa was drinking her morning coffee,She came across with Shadis on the hallway who looked shocked because she was already dressed up and awake. 

"Good job Ackerman" Shadis said while he passed her and Mikasa just shrugged it. 

"Wake up you pricks! It's time for morning training!" Shadis shouted and kicked the room of girl's and boys door's causing a loud noise for everyone to jolt.

Mikasa heard someone screamed from the boys room, It was probably Armin. 

"Get up maggots! You're going to be dead by now if you don't get your lazy asses up!" He shouted. 

Half of the 104th training corps member's half awake and everyone wasn't dressed. 

Mikasa saw a yawning Eren and Armin approached her they're still in their bedroom attire as Mikasa sips her morning coffee. 

"You're already awake?!" Eren asked in confusion. 

"You know that I'm an early bird" Mikasa said and offered Eren her drink but he refused. 

Mikasa then wrapped her arms around Armin's shoulder because he looks like he's about to fell asleep while he's standing. 

"Armin wake up! Shadis will get mad at you" Mikasa said and tapped Armin's face making him jolt. 

Once you get on Shadis bad side there's no turning back. 

All of them except Mikasa went inside their rooms and changed their clothes to uniforms because after they eat they'll have to do the morning training. 

After Armin and Eren managed to change their clothes they all went to the dining hall to have breakfast. 

Mikasa only ate a few because she doesn't like training when her stomach is full. 

She gave the other half of her bread to armin and Sasha which delighted them but Eren looked at her. 

"Why aren't you eating well?" Eren asked Mikasa was too quiet today. 

"I don't have the appitite" Mikasa said, the reason why she's quiet because she had an awful nightmare again which bothered her because it's about the 104th training corps dead scouts. Which she never dreamt of before but because of seeing their faces again maybe it triggered some unwanted memories. 

Mikasa was also too invested on training so she can increase strength more, Preparing when the time comes.

Mikasa said and stood up and walked out from the dining hall and went to the training field where Shadis is standing. 

He looked at her in suprised as Mikasa didn't cared, She started doing her daily stretching routine but Shadis called her. 

"Ackerman!" Shadis spoke, Mikasa stood up as she salutes him. 

"Sir!" Mikasa said, Shadis approached her and looked at her from head to toe. 

"I see you have potential Ackerman, I hope you don't fail my expectations on you" Shadis said and walked away. 

'I also hope I won't disappoint myself' Mikasa mentally said and continue her stretching. 

She heard Shadis screamed at her comrades who's still eating their foods. 

One by one hurriedly ran outside, other's tripped and others are panicking. 

"Well it'll be a long day" Mikasa muttered as she stretched her arms. 

She was greeted by Eren and Armin who's panting hard as they catch their breath. 

"H-he's one of a hell instructor" Armin complained. 

Mikasa mentally chuckled as she knows this is only the start of Keith Shadis's Wrath. 

Shadis made them fall into a line and made them stand straight as he shouted at their faces. 

"Now! We'll start our training I bet you maggots will have a hard time to keep up with this sht so if anyone wants to go home, go pack your bags and get the fuck out of here!" Shadis spat. 

No one dared to run away because they're scared. 

Shadis continued talking as he walks around. 

"Now fuckers we will test your agility and balance using this balancing platform!" Shadis said as she lead them towards the platform. 

"If you failed to properly balance yourself using this you can't use your ODM Gear and what it means if you can't properly use your ODM gear?" Shadis said. 

"You die! So fall in a fucking line and we'll start our training" Shadis shouted and everyone formed a three line one each platform. 

Everyone waited for their turn until it's Mikasa's turn it was easy for her because she's already experienced in this. 

But everyone was quiet struggling,Mikasa noticed Eren who's upside down on the floor as his expression turns grim. 

"Oi! Eren Yeager what the hell are you doing!?" Shadis shouted at Eren who's already having a mental breakdown. 

Mikasa facepalmed because of second hand embarrassment, She forgot about Eren failing to get a hang out of his ODM gear. 

Mikasa went down on the balancing platform and approached the half struggling Yeager kid. 

"Don't worry you'll get the hang of it" Mikasa said and patted Eren's shoulder. 

\----

It was already afternoon and Eren begged Mikasa to teach him how to balance in the platform but Mikasa refused it'll only cause Eren trouble and a injury on his head so she refused at first but he was too persistent. 

"You can do it if you focus on the basic" Mikasa said as Eren paid attention. 

"You have to focus on what you're doing, always balance your center and put your weight on the sole belts" 

"It's okay if you don't mastered it now it'll be fine " Mikasa explained. 

"Stay calm and focus and you can pull it off" Armin added. 

"Even I got managed to do it" he said, Eren nodded and gulped he's nervous. 

"Okay I think I can do it this time, please lift me up Armin" Eren said while nervously looking at Armin. 

Armin nodded and round the handle bar lifting Eren, When Eren felt his feet not touching the ground he started to panic and Mikasa approached him when he was about to fall, Luckily Mikasa catched him before his head hit the ground.

"Tch thought this was going to happen" Mikasa said holding Eren's shoulder supporting him from falling. 

"Armin lower him" Mikasa said and Armin lowered Eren. 

"You almost hit your head" Armin worriedly said. 

"Always remember to stay calm if you panic while using that thing you'll surely fall" Mikasa said. 

'Well atleast he didn't hit his head' Mikasa thought as Eren looked like he'll cry. 

\----

It was already dinner time everyone was eating except for Eren who's staring at the ceiling rethinking his poor life decisions. 

Then Mikasa noticed three dudes talking while staring at Eren. 

She overhead their conversation downgrading Eren, she also insults Eren because she's still mad at him but it doesn't mean they can insult her childhood friend. 

Mikasa looked sharply at the three dudes when one of them looked at Mikasa, She raised her middle finger towards them, mouthed 'fuck off' and rolled her eyes as Armin started comforting Eren. 

"Don't worry you'll get the hang of it" Armin said while eating. 

"Just focus " Mikasa muttered as she ate soup, She won't encourage him because she knows without her words Eren would actually excel in it.

"It's embarrassing , If I don't manage to use that I won't be able to use an ODM Gear and I can't fight titans" Eren said almost having a mental breakdown. 

"If you can't get your shts together the only option for you is to leave" Mikasa said, She was rather to straight forward because she knows whatever she says doesn't affect Eren or his wills, She's just messing with him. 

"W-what!?" Eren said in confusion. 

"You also said it yourself Eren the weak should leave" Mikasa said as she bite down her bread. 

Eren was speechless, Everyone got up from their seats cleaning their plates. 

"Don't worry you'll get by it" Mikasa said as Armin dragged Eren away. 

Mikasa sighed as she was also having existential crisis. 

Thinking what if she drop out and live a normal life within the walls but she knows that's impossible and her consciousness won't let her live a normal happy life. 

As she felt someone sat beside her. 

It was Sasha who looked at her. 

"A-are you going to eat that bread?" Sasha said almost drooling. 

Mikasa grabbed the bread breaking it and giving Sasha the 1/4th 

"Here you can have the other half" Mikasa said 

"B-but this isn't even half!" Sasha said and Mikasa chuckled. 

"I know" she said and stood up. 

\----- 

It was already and it was Eren's evaluation test whether he pass or he fails using the balancing platform. 

"Okay Yeager start!" Shadis shouted as they lifted Eren up. 

All of them were watching silently. 

"He did it!" One of them shouted as Mikasa smiled at Eren. 

Eren was getting the hang of it although his belt is damaged. 

But then suddenly he fell, He was surprised. 

"I-I can still get up! I can do it!" Eren said. 

Shadis was surprised, He's amazed by Eren because of the power of his determination. 

"Let him down" Shadis command, They let Eren down and Eren fell into his knees. 

"I can still give it one more try" Eren said as if his soul is leaving his body. 

"You!" Shadis said to the one who's lifting the platform. 

"Lend Yeager your belt" Shadis said, The guys lend Eren his belt and lifted him up again and it was a success. 

Everyone applaud in suprise as Eren finally managed to get the hang of it. 

"That belt was damaged" Shadis said as he looked in amusement at Eren who's still balancing. 

Everyone gave Eren a praise and everyone was shocked. 

Except for Mikasa who's smirking while looking at Eren. 

'Well I didn't said he can't do it' Mikasa mentally said, she's proud of him like she always feel whenever he accomplish anything. 

Eren happily raised in arm in success as he stared at Mikasa and gave her 'See? I can do it' look. 

Mikasa chuckled and clapped. 

"It looks like he's challenging you Mikasa" Armin said beside him is Bertolt and Reiner. 

Mikasa chuckled and looked at Armin. 

"Whatever he's thinking I don't care, I'm not going for a competition anyway" Mikasa said. She's not there for a strength competition her only goal is to protect them. 

Eren always thought that Mikasa protects him because she wanted to rub to his face that he's weak but that's not really the reason. 

Mikasa looked again at Eren who's still balancing himself and smirked. 

'You were such an ambitious boy back then Eren you didn't know what you have become in the future' Mikasa thought as she stared directly into Eren's eyes. 

In a few years the Eren she knows will die and Eren who's thirsty for freedom will be born.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually planned to update tommorow or the day after tommorow but chap 136 has been updated and here's my update for today because I'm thankful for Isayama's mercy! 
> 
> Anyways thanks for reading I hope you're not getting bored because of the slow pacing.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever eremika fanfiction so please bare with it, I'm not american and English isn't my first language so I'm sorry in advance if there's any grammatical errors or typographical errors. 
> 
> This fanfiction would be a mess and I'm kinda going to contradict Isayama's plot with my plot and Mikasa's point of view. 
> 
> Just watch me ruin AOT in the next chapters lmao.
> 
> Anyways please expect slow updates because I'm lazy asf, but I'll try hardest to update atleast twice or trice a week. 
> 
> Anyway lovelots wear your facemasks and stay safe ;)


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